Parents, check out this blog post from Donald Miller
Copyright © 2013 Donald Miller Words, LLC, All rights reserved.
Great Parents Seem To Do This Well
Secretly (until now), I’ve noticed a common theme amongst well-adjusted kids. The theme seems to be this:
Kids with parents who are open and honest about their own shortcomings are better adjusted, and parents who want to be seen as perfect have kids that often aren't.
Is it just me, or have you noticed this, too?
Many of my friends who’ve confessed to me they’ve had problems in life come from families in which parents (and mostly the Dad, honestly) have a hard time admitting they’re wrong. Often they come from religious families in which the parents felt they had to be a model of perfection.
Of course, there are many reasons kids struggle in life. But truthfully I’m not talking about kids. I’m talking about adults. People in their twenties and thirties who come from grace-oriented families with parents who do not control with guilt and shame simply do better in life.
My friend Paul Young (who wrote The Shack) is more open and honest about his shortcomings than any person I’ve met, and his family is simply amazing. Paul keeps no secrets from his kids. He doesn’t hide his shortcomings and yet he has grace on himself and others. This is the main way Paul teaches his children that it’s okay to be human.
Imagine having a dad who’d be willing to say something like, “You know, you get your temper from me. It’s one of the terrible things I’ve handed you. I’m so sorry about that. Here’s how I’ve learned to handle it. Let me know if you need help. I love you so much I would hate for you to have to feel any pain on account of me.”
If you sit down with a fully transparent parent they have absolutely no problem admitting their faults. And this gives children a sense of comfort because they realize it’s okay to be human. In fact, they can really connect with their parents because they’re vulnerable and honest and open.
On the other hand, there are many kids who wander through the world lost. And often, secretly (until now), I’ve noticed their fathers are men who are constantly spinning the truth to make themselves look good. If anything negative happens in their families, they blame it on some other factor. They never admit their mistakes. They are constantly trying to “set an example” by hiding their true humanity.
Kids who grow up in homes like this don’t feel permission to be human or flawed and don’t trust God has forgiven them. Can you imagine living in such pain and isolation?
If we want families that are less ordinary and more healthy, lets teach our kids, by example, that it’s okay to be human. When they’re old enough, lets begin to confess our sins to our children, even letting them know how sorry we are that our humanity has hurt them in some way.
Kids who have parents who confess their sins grow up believing in grace, in honesty, in transparency and are much more likely to connect deeply with others rather than hide.
Lets teach our kids how to be transparent, open and human by being transparent, open and human ourselves.
